My Current Mood: Turn Up Your Speakers: Love Me When I'm Gone by Three Doors Down is playing
Hello. This is my online journal.
Once Upon a time at 3 in the morning a girl sat down at a computer to write about her life. Then she realized that's it's hard the put the whole thing down at once, so decided to take it day by day instead. Hence; this thing was created!
My name is Maggie I'm 18 years old I live in Vermont I'm an aquarius
I like to draw and paint and collect radom things. I also like to dress in odd clothing, chat with my friends, sleep,smoke cigs, eat and listen to music
I like ice cream and french fries I work at a coffee place, so my hands always smell like coffee I've been to China and Thailand My Website My Email Addy My AIM SN: RagWeedFairy
Likes: "ugly things", anime, any kind of music besides pop, rap, and mainstream shit, Mary Jane (on occasion), potatoes, trees and the outdoors, swimming, fishnet stockings, Le Creme mousse, Sprit Remix, shiny things, art, dogs, snakes, orca whales, talking to people, singing, baby animals, icecream, sleeping, driving, mangos, smoking, beef, the color green, the color black, the color blue, annnnd traveling to far of places
Dislikes: the color pink, pasta, bread, coliflower, raisins, scallops, tomatoes, stupid people, spounge bob sqaure ass, MTV, Abercrombie & Fitch, cat hair, razor blades, killing anything (in real life), American Flags, President Bush, The White Stripes, shitty anime, peely skinned people, posers, Vermont hick accents, death, air planes, being treated like a little kid, and working at a job that I hate
Favorite Band: Incubus Favorite Anime: FLCL Favorite Food: French Fries Favorite Movie And Book: Fight Club What I Say The Most: "I'll do it later."
Here's a Great Place To Checkout!
Oct 22, 2003
Free Ain't Free
*listening to: Under My Umbrella-Incubus*
I'm very angry at my mom. She thinks if i took a trip, I would smash up the car. And she's making me visit a college on Saturday. We couldn't go today, because of a little bit on snow.... WHAT'S WITH POEPLE AND BEING AFRAID OF SNOW? Sheesh, she should move out of Vermont if she doesn't like it. So anyways, seeing any of my friends this weekend seems like another lost hope. It made me sob today. It's like.... my mom is trying to punish me for no reason. I know I haven't found another job yet, but I get up at 4: 45 am every morning to go to work and I get good grades in my class. I just wish something would pay off. Oh yea, my money... my mom thinks she has the right to tell me what I can spend it on. Sometimes I think that she thinks I'm 14 years old. My dad is cool though... he's trying to stick up for me while my mom rants on and on....
I got bored so I made a doll version of myself... it's kind of how I look like. I wear the same clothes anyways. Dress up your own doll here hehe it's kind of lame....
My head it empty. My heart is hollow. My limbs are asleep. I live in the waking world. It's not just atoms and electrons and chemistry. Something is there. It's not just thoughts and emotions. Somethings there. Maybe IT's watching me walk down the dark road in the evening. It's very dark and the clouds are covering the stars and I'm wearing my winter jacket. IT's watching me as I look around. IT's watching as i sit down at the little bridge by the horses and light up a cigarette. But IT leaves me because I'm bad and choose to poison parts of my body. Maybe IT's still watching, who knows?
The little girl was crying, standing out in the rain. She was getting all wet and her skirt was blowing in the wind. It was cold as she smoked by the shed. Her heart was pounding and the light from the art studio was glowing. She was breaking and GOD was leaving her. Then she was alone. Later she wanted to die. She really did.
I don't know where dreams go, when I wake up. They must go somewhere. Perhaps to the place that they came from. I'm about to go back to that place. The place I really live in. The place I'm comfortable and confused. I dream that I'm happy. I make my wishes come true. Unlike the waking world.....
I took the Disorder | Rating test:
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: High
Antisocial: Moderate
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: High
Dependent: Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate
Well, I've tried to write 2 entries, but sadly they both got erased.
Anyways.... I'm really tired and kind of sad. I've got a lot of stuff on my mind.... stuff that I haven't told anyone except one person. I hope I pass my driver's test next week, I got my fingers crossed. It's like my whole life comes down to these moments.
Winter's coming....
A guy came into the coffee shop today at 6:45. He said that Old Man Winter's Coming. I thought "Ha" and then I remembered....China seems like a lifetime ago.
Here's a picture of my new boots that I love oh so much:
It's such a boring Friday night, so I did the list thing that everyone seems to be doing 'round here.
Here is goes:
My name is: Magdalena (Maggie)
I was born on: February 8, 1985
I am from: Vermont
In the morning I am: cranky
All I need is: someone to sleep with…..
I'm afraid of: airplanes, elevators, heights
I dream about: TMS
-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E / S.A M E. S E X-
What do you notice first?: smile
Last person YOU slow danced with: Sean at the prom, heh
Worst question to ask: Do I smell bad?
-D O. Y O U .E V E R-
Sit on the internet all day waiting for someone special to I.M. you?: um, guilty as charged
Save aol/aim conversations: yea, when I tried to convince perverted cybering men I was a hairy transexual
Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: sometimes
-W H O .W A S .T H E .L A S T. P E R S O N-
You talked to on the phone: chris Hugged: (besides my parents) Sarah
You instant messaged: I dunno her name, but she’s from MO
You laughed with: my boss
Kissed: I don’t want to say….
-D O .Y O U-
Color your hair: yea, I highlighted it
Ever get off the computer: nawww
Habla espanol: Si. Yo hablo chinese. Ne Hau Ma?
-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-
Smoke cigarettes: I smoke 1 a day
Have a girlfriend/boyfriend: nope (probably never will to)
Obsessive: about some stuff
Could you live without the computer?:.I dunno, maybe if I had a real life
How many peeps are on your buddylist?: 51
Whats your favorite food?: french fries and banana chocolate chip pancakes
Whats your favorite fruit?: blue berries
Drink alcohol?: yep
Like watching sunrises or sunset: both but I love sunsets better
What hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?: emotional pain<-been there
Trust others way too easily?: depends on who
-N U M B E R-
Of times I have had my heart broken?: many a time
Of boys I have kissed?: ha, I think maybe….5
Of girls I have kissed?: 1 but it was truth or dare and the girl was gross (no offense Jo)
Of times I have moved?: 1 time not including moving to my boarding school
Of tight friends?: I dunno, I have at least 4 close friends
Of cd's that I own?: around 50
Of scars on my body?: hmmm 6 maybe (little ones and a big one on my knee)
Of things in my past that I regret?: tooooo many to count
I KNOW: what I want
I WANT: what I need
I HAVE: what I like
I WISH: I had more
I HATE: war
I MISS: my friends
I FEAR: death
I HEAR: the wind
Why did I put that title? Well, my dad just poked me. I HATE IT! One thing I hate more than anything is when someone randomly touches me. Lately I've been feeling like I don't want anyone to touch me. Even though my hormones are all out of wack, and my brains screaming: SEX!!!! YOU'RE SO DEPRIVED!
Oh being 18!
Anyways as you can see, I've messed myself up with caffine once again. And cigs. And meds. And not sleeping enough. I'm stressed about my driving test (amoung other things). I'm sooo afraid I won't be able to pass it. That's why I get into this rut, where I get angry and annoyed by everything.
HEllloooo IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON MAGGIE!
I wish I was drunk and amoung friends again.... Life is kind of weird when the only one in your life that you care about is your dog. I'm trying to think about other things... Because I feel like I'm going down that damned path again...you know the one....'cept everything different this time around. Let's just say there's somethings you can't ever forget about (or feel different about).
*********I made a quiz, Yay! the What Crappy Part-Time Job From My Crappy Town Should You Have Quiz, surprize surprize i got my own job as my answer**********
Search For The Bennington Beast(BigFoot) Continues...
*listening to: The Chemical Between Us by Bush*
Well my job's going good, even though I have to get up at 4:45 every morning. Cigs come in handy... I PASSED MY DRIVERS TEST!!!! 1 more test to take before I get my license. So there's this weird stuff going on, other than Arnold getting elected as governor >_< there's supposedly a Big Foot type creature living near my town. It's been named the Bennington Beast and it's even been in my town's newspaper more than 3 times. Read about it here. Here's a drawing of the beast that I cut out of the news paper and scanned in:
I'm gonna go look for him soon as I get the car. Also MORE FLCL AIM ICONS (I make them when I'm bored). Go see. And I put some of my comics that I drew online. Yay, go see them HERE. Well, as you can see, I'm in a better mood lately. Dispite the fact that I might not be able to visit TMS for 2 FREAKING YEARS!!! I talked about this with my therapist even. Hmmmm well I guess I could always sneak in undercover. Muwuwuhaaaaa.
I'm Not Sick, But I'm Not Well...well maybe I am sick
*listening to: the theme song for Abenobashi Magical Shopping District*
Well, I think I have the flu. Anyways since I earn a measly income I went out and got a debit card. And I also tried some online shopping. My AMSD DVD came to day but some of the episodes are messed up and won't play at all, soooo I'm gonna have to send it back. Watching that was perhaps the highlight of my crappyday. or maybe it was when I went for a walk in the dusky rain. The sky looked all weird and beautifull again. I'm procastinating so much with doing my homework, I've put it off and now I'm in deep shit. I miss TMS soooo much and I dunno where my heart is anymore. So yea, this weekend is like my time to give in to my god damn TMS and resent my life.
I went crazy this afternoon and made some more AIM icons, CHECK THEM OUT! Ha ha, I really like the one of Kamon all nakey ;P I wonder why DID he get naked when ranting about Fooly Cooly...........
hmmmmm....
The Shit brick is usually the kinda person that doesn't like doing much. Turning down a nice romp in the park to his or her favorite television show and a nice big Mac or a box of chicken nuggets. Though shit bricks have their anti social flaws, what they lack in social values they make up for in laziness... But I guess that isn't a good thing either way.. Ok, shit bricks are just lazy fucks...
Ahhhh it did it again! It erased everything by accident. Oh well what I wrote was mostly stupid. My mom said she's kicking me put of the house Friday if I don't get it together. And.... I'm feeling lonely and frustrated. And I wish I could dig a cosmic hole in the universe and hide in there forever.... Yea and then I said that I dream about TMS everynight. But last night I drempt about this aqaurium and these fish and sharks and stuff. And it was very strange. Oh well. So I hope something good happens this week because I think it will. I got this feeling.
Big Foot was spotted near my town last week... who knows what's going on anymore?
If I was at old TMS right now, I'd be walking around looking for someone to break smoke alone with and then I'd go out to Red Feild in the squishy wet grass. And then I'd come back and say goodnight to everyone and talk to people about my problems, and then run over people on GTA 3 with the tank with Brett, and steal an orange from the kitchen, then go back to Red House and eat whoevers icecream, and then go back to Thomas House and say goodnight to everyone again and then at 11, I would walk back to Red with Matt Thilmany. Yep that's what I would do.
The Shit brick is usually the kinda person that doesn't like doing much. Turning down a nice romp in the park to his or her favorite television show and a nice big Mac or a box of chicken nuggets. Though shit bricks have their anti social flaws, what they lack in social values they make up for in laziness... But I guess that isn't a good thing either way.. Ok, shit bricks are just lazy fucks...